to be young, angry, and on the subway.

pUsH iT. pUsH iT gOoD. this is why i bought another bike. this is precisely why i bought another bike. not only is the act of being pushed, shoved, and smooshed into an overcrowded subway car absolutely and undeniably miserable, but the atmosphere of palpable and misplaced anger is enough to have sent mother theresa on a murder spree. there is so much raw, misguided, uncontrolled hatred and anger coming from an alarming percentage of the passengers on any given subway car at 7:45am. it baffles me. come on, it's not even 8 o'clock in the morning yet, how could you possibly be this worked up already? how could you even be awake enough to feel with such vehemance? i'm still working on keeping my eyes open and standing upright. you are yelling at people and hitting them intentionally with your baby stroller. i know hipsters use babies (like small dogs and white belts) as accessories, factions of social climbers use them as status symbols, and certain corporate manufacturing pigs use them as cheap labor in third world countries, but as a weapon on a subway during the morning rush hour? this is taking it too far.
this morning there was a young mother with her 9 month old son in his stroller in the car i was hurled into by the force of the swarming mass behind me at the lorimer subway stop. she had set up camp in front of the doors opposite me. by the time we had reached the bedford stop she had lost her sanity completely. the doors she stood squarely in front of no sooner opened than she was screaming obscenities at the top of her lungs. fuck you this and fuck you that.........at one point she actually shouted, "i have a baby in a stroller here so don't you be squishing all up in my shit. no fucking way. assholes..." telling anyone and everyone left and right to fuck off, wait for the next train and on and on. wielding the stroller around the limited space like a psycho waiving a gun to scare his hostages. the stroller containing her son. the doors had closed and we were on our way towards first avenue and she was still going. clearly a need for attention and a lot of pent up frustration and resentment and not necessarily given circumstances were fueling this tirade or she would not have been lighting into imaginary passengers. when she finally stopped cursing, the momentary silence and return to peace was broken by another passenger who decided that getting into it with this woman was a good idea. i mean, why not? she certainly seems calm, rational, and open. i'm sure she will listen to what you have to say and respond appropriately. so the rest of the trip from bedford to first avenue was filled with an argument about whether or not she should have her baby in a carrier, like this misguided vigilante had done with his son, as strollers are illegal on the subway and whether or not yelling at people who were just trying to get to work in the morning was a reasonable move. the poor kid in the stroller finally couldn't take the yelling anymore and did what the rest of us on the train would have loved to, and started to cry. so this young angry angry mother watches the guy who called her out get off the train with his now school-age son at first avenue, looks down at her crying son, momentarily takes in the crammed, weary passengers around her and decides to tell her son "it's okay, rafael, you go ahead and cry as loud as you want." i mean, first of all, you are the reason he is crying, honey. and, second of all, you are the reason he is crying. stop looking at the rest of us like we've done something to your son. and, for the love of god, shut your mouth.

today i will get a new lock for my new bike, tomorrow i will part ways with the subway until bike season ends, and i will not for one moment miss these lovely morning subway commutes.

now that's what i call shenanigans

oUr gReAteSt hItS.

the access theatre presents
collaborationtown's shenanigans comedy collective in
NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL SHENANIGANS!!
a shenanigans greatest hits

ONE SHOW ONLY
saturday may 12th @ 9pm
the access theatre
380 broadway, 4th floor
(@ white street, 2 blocks south of canal)
$5
reserve a seat: shenanigans.on.fire@gmail.com

today has never happened and it doesn't frighten me.

i hEaRt nEw yOrK. holy fuck. so i'm doing this guerilla dance team thing and we are dancing tonight at the lower manhattan cultural council benefit, "the downtown dinner", honoring bjork, michel gondry, elliot spitzer, jon corzine, and developer larry silverstein and his wife klara.

this benefit is on the 52nd floor of 7 world trade center.
the 52nd floor.
which, for whatever reason, remains unfinished, a huge open raw industrial loft space.
with floor to ceiling windows ALL THE WAY AROUND.
it is the fucking most phenomenal view i've ever seen. i mean you can literally see everything and anything in any direction for miles............
and at monday night's rehearsal it was the first time we were in the space as the sun set. the sun so giant, seemingly so close with us being so high above everything else, as though something had reached down and plucked me out of the crowded hectic frenzy that is manhattan and lifted me up, up, up above it all to give me this private showing of the sun saying its farewell for this day. so quiet. so serene.
and it nearly broke my heart with its grace and beauty.

and fuck me i've bitched about these rehearsals. and i haven't really slept in days trying to be at work and class and rehearsal and benefits and all this other shit i've committed to. overcommitted to. and i have days, so many days, when i wonder what the hell i'm doing. and why. and to what end. and for what purpose. and has there been any success? will there be any success? and what the fuck is success? and i make plans. and i break plans. and i revise plans. and i worry about failing at my plans. and i worry about not having enough plans.....and more often than i would expect, i am asked "why new york?" and i am never satisfied with the words as they trip and stumble out of my mouth. they seem very simple and trite and not at all evocative of the instinctive, intuitive, emotional draw i have to this piece of earth, its energy, its challenges, its rewards, its crowds, its dirt, its beauty, its opportunities.....it's this shit, it's tonight, it's surprising a bunch of people who paid $1000 a plate to feel like they are in some way benefiting the arts of lower manhattan with sudden choreographed dances that i get to do with 9 of my friends, possibly running into bjork, but at least knowing we are at the same cocktail party, 52 stories above manhattan, watching the sun set right in front of my eyes, over new york city and all its nooks and neighborhoods and boroughs........these experiences, these are why i'm here, and why i don't want to be anywhere else, for the moment anyway, and why i cannot imagine what my life would be or who i would be were i not here doing these crazy and unexpected things that i just seem to trip upon......