from here to there to there to there to there and back to here...

fOrWaRdiNg aDdReSs. i have moved. back to manhattan. back to the east village. and, ironically, back to east 11th street (i like to just crack a smile at that fact, appreciating that things just turned out that way, that nature just put this little full circle coincidence in my lap, knowing that had i tried to find a place on the same street where i first lived upon moving to manhattan i never would have succeeded). acclimating to the geography of a new neighborhood is always fascinating. learning to recognize the buildings, the stoops, the gates, the cracks in the sidewalks, the storefronts...i am making slow progress on this front. with each return to my new building taking in a new landmark, feeling more and more like i am coming home. it leaves me with a slightly empty feeling, a feeling of transience, during this process. i have let go completely of my attachment to my williamsburg neighborhood. without intention and with shocking immediacy, it fled, and when i returned to the old apartment, the place i lived for 2 solid years, the street felt foreign, my block unfamiliar, it was undeniably no longer my home.

i hate getting up early. but i love being up early. especially on a bright summer morning. feeling the heat push itself on the east village, over tompkins square park, down the avenues, up the cross streets...finding even the shady spots. quietly and lazily becoming today. the sun is like a spotlight increasing my awareness, pointing out so many details that slide right past me when i travel this same route at dusk......there are always more people out and about at this early hour, before 8am, than i would expect. and in the brightness i see them all. i notice their nuances, their wardrobes, their postures, their seeming intentions and directions. there is a lack of frenzy and a sense of simplicity. for a brief moment things seem clear. and nothing nearly as beautiful as a windowbox in bloom or a freshly painted door...and i know that these are morning feelings and morning thoughts and that it will not stay this way. i know that. and i let that thought go. and marvel again at the slight iridescence of the fuschia petals of the impatiens in front of me. and continue on my way, quietly and lazily becoming who i will be when i wake up...