Sunday, December 25, 2005

merry something & a happy whooziwhatsits.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

all i want for christmas...

iNsTaNt gRaTiFiCaTiOn. the very first camera i owned was a christmas gift from my parents. it was a polaroid, or more accurately, it was my polaroid. my entire childhood is captured on polaroid film - mostly 600, with a fair share of spectra, and also some 8mm video tapes. this is because my father worked for polaroid. we did not go anywhere, we did not do anything, but either my father or my mother, though usually both, were armed with a polaroid camera and film up the ying yang. as an adult who cringes each time i'm told the total when i purchase polaroid film, i now appreciate how valuable my father's hookup was, but, like so many other things, as a child, i didn't fully understand its value. monetarily or emotionally.

it's funny the things you remember with such unmistakable clarity and, for me, unwrapping that camera on christmas morning is one of them. as i often seemed to do with things, unintentionally getting things backwards or spoiling them somehow, particularly on christmas mornings, i opened the film before the camera, giving the surprise away. regardless, i was thrilled. it was a camera. it was mine. and in that instant i felt accepted, as though i had grown up five years in those past five minutes. it was like being initiated into a club, or graduating into a brand new realm. my relationship with my parents reached a whole new level as i opened that camera. it's gifts like those i have always most cherished receiving. my mom has always had a knack for that, finding that thing that takes me by surprise when i open it and somehow gives me a new sense of who i am or where i'm from. i don't like being asked what i want. i am no good at wish lists. i don't know what i want. i want that thing that i don't know right now, but when i receive it, is going to somehow make me feel a sense of peace or love or security or hope. there is no gadget or shoe or accessory or piece of clothing or anything that i really give a flying f*ck about, i just want something that makes me feel like i am julia lowrie henderson and i have come from somewhere and i am loved somehow and i will go somewhere, no matter how bumpy that path has been or will be.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

timing is everything.

gOoD wIll tOwArDs MaN? what better way to celebrate the holiday season and encompass the spirit of christmas than with an execution? nothing brings a sense of joy and hope like death by lethal injection. thank you, california, and way to go, arnold schwarzenegger, who today lives up to the name, the terminator. am i the only one who sees something wrong with this picture? a former body builder and star of action films chock full of gratuitous violence, with a limited command over the language, is deciding who lives and who dies in the state of california.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

celebrate the season.

fA lA La lA La. oh, the office holiday party. i have found that it is much like women and childbirth, the actual pain of the experience is too much for the memory to hold onto, a sort of self-preservation that allows us to go back the next year and do it all over again. the awkward mingling, the drunk bosses, the inappropriate advances from older men - and by older i do mean well on their way to collecting social security. perhaps i should don a tee shirt next year that reads "if you are an active member of aarp, for the love of god, don't talk to me." the open bar is both a blessing and a curse - making the chit chat as tolerable as humanly possible for me while also giving the idiots the courage to behave like idiots. i am still reeling from the experience of tonight's shindig, trying to process the fact that i survived the same pickup routine from the same drunk married consultant not once, not twice, but THREE times in a span of less than 45 minutes, still chuckling at the 5 minute conversation i managed to get through without laughing with a grown man, a supposed expert in his field, who had a long piece of cheese hanging from his chin, of which he was totally oblivious, and wondering what excuse i can come up with next year to avoid this misery.

Sunday, December 04, 2005

shenanigans on ice!!

sEe mY sHoW. collaborationtown's shenanigans comedy collective presents:

shenanigans on ice!!
a spectacular holiday spectacular sketch comedy show of spectacular proportions, spectacularly.
saturday, december 10th
2 shows - 8pm & 10pm
arthur seleen theatre, drama book shop
250 west 40th street (b/w 7th & 8th avenues)
suggested donation: $5

SEE!
the dancing nativity!
harriet tubman discover the true meaning of christmas!
lesbian santa claus!?!
the real meaning of ice ice baby!

LAUGH!
laugh so hard you'll sh*t mistletoe out your ass!

DRINK!
free beer! you don't even have to put out!

"i laughed until i cried, and once i started crying i realized i was lonely." - jesica avellone, wicken.

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