wait. i missed it...

sUdDenLy sEpTeMbEr. is halfway over. how did this happen? seriously, how has the passage of time been eluding me so much this past year? i feel as though i blink and months go by. which only serves to add to my constant sense that i am behind or falling behind or will never catch up (depending on how pessimistic i am on a particular day).

for me, this past year and the passage of time is marked in terms of yoga. assuming things keep going as they have been and the next time i think about what day it is we will be into the month of october, on october 8th i will find myself having practiced bikram yoga 361 out of 365 days. which is an accomplishment that i don't really see as an accomplishment or give enough thought to, it has just become a way of life and i tend to brush it off as such. people, mostly other students or workstudy at the studio, like to check in and ask "are you still coming every day?" yes. "since when again?" since october. and then i clam up and shut off and let their reaction bounce right off of me. i don't want attention for it. i don't want praise. i just want to be better. and healthier. and stronger. and the fact of the matter is that i am striving towards those goals every time i walk into that room and do the series and it is a practice and those are goals and they are always something ahead of me that i am reaching for yet never quite grasping. because if i got them why would i need to pursue them any longer? and, i'll be honest, many days they seem so unbelievably far away and i feel like such a clumsy, weak, inflexible novice who should be ashamed that stepping into that room and doing all of those postures (i have yet to allow myself to sit out for a set of anything) day in and day out has not made me a better yogi with a more impressive practice.

but, anyway, i digress...yoga and the passage of time this year. yes, i remember where i was headed. for a while, time went by in months for me, each time i hit the end of another 30 days was a marker. then i hit my 4th and 5th consecutive months of practice and it started getting blurry, thoughts like "wow i think i really will do 6 months of bikram every day" and "can you imagine if i kept this up all year? ha! that would be impossible" started entering my head and i think my perception of time started shifting to embrace them. it had to stop being about taking it 30 days at a time. and next thing you know it had been longer than 6 months. and next thing you know it is almost a year. and clearly i just have no perception of time any more. things are moving too quickly or i am not paying attention, or maybe the truth lies somewhere in the middle. on sunday we will have our final performance of the deepest play ever. summer is essentially over and it already feels like autumn around the city. and i am totally blown away by these things.