model behavior.

pIcTuRe ThIs. i have two friends who just finished their thesis shows at pratt and who will earn masters of fine arts in photography from pratt in may. of the two, it is colleen's show i will write about for the selfish reason that i am in it. which is kind of a joke. and kind of not. i have known, i guess in some way at least since we did the two photo shoots last fall, that i would likely turn up in a print that made it into her thesis. but it wasn't something i necessarily gave any thought to. i think because i was busy and distracted and we did the shoots and it was a long time before i saw any contact sheets and even longer before i actually saw a couple of prints, it became very much a matter of out of sight, out of mind. it was colleen's thing. as her friend, i was where she needed me to be, when she needed me to be there, wearing what she told me to put on, standing or sitting where she told me to...and, of course, having fun, hanging out in a studio at pratt with friends, listening to good music, having the signature ketel one and tonic with extra lime that will forever be linked to my favorite girls from arcata, california, while colleen directed us in and out of clothing options and around the space. i had absolutely no outside point of reference by which to judge the photos themselves. they were not posed or contrived in a manner in which the subjects knew what the frame of the shot was (and, could, consequently, worry about how they looked within that frame - should i tilt my shouler? my chin? smile less? more?...) and, furthermore, a large portion of each shoot was done with a technique of painting light, which more or less happens in total darkness, and makes it near impossible to tell much of anything that is going on. and, so, walking onto pratt's campus and seeing colleen's prints, her spectacularly beautiful prints, hanging on the wall, was really my first taste of what had come from those two sunday evenings spent with colleen in that studio last fall. it surprised me. and caught me off guard. as an actress, as a writer, i am so accustomed to having control of how i present myself, and for feeling such responsibility for how i will come across. it is the absolute opposite with this experience of serving as model for colleen. yes, it is me in those photos. but not a me i created, not a me i chose to share with the public, not a me i controlled. it is me, in that moment, in that studio, as colleen saw me and as she and her camera and their manipulation of light and space translated me into this larger pursuit of colleen's - "tenacious nostalgia." it is remarkable for me, a true learning experience, to be on this side of things. to fill theses shoes. to be molded into someone else's artistic vision. it feels entirely brand new, utterly exposed, and, yet, somehow, safe. and it is an honor. colleen's prints are gorgeous. the body of work she has assembled, photographing women in her life she loves, is full of haunting and longing beauty with moments that are both mysterious and universal, mundane and ethereal. colleen's solo show has closed, but she still has two photos included in the show "bearings: the female figure" at p.s. 122's gallery through april 23rd. check them out.